This is the full version of an article I wrote for the The Ballarat Courier's 'Our Babies' magazine, published February 4 2015.
The lifelong journey of parenting is one of the most relentless and rewarding you are likely to ever experience. This is an exciting, exhausting period where life’s experiences can be enjoyed and at times dismayed over.
At times it may feel like a large exercise in troubleshooting, frustration and experimentation. Nonetheless, like any new adventure this one is full of rewarding experiences and you will undoubtedly look back over this time in years to come and recognise the value of your efforts - the ultimate reward being a compassionate, loving, respectful and considerate human being who seeks out interaction, enjoys learning and is comfortable with his/her space in the world.
A newborn arrives with so much in store. A myriad of experiences already, a personality to develop and a temperament to explore. There are people and animals to interact with and an environment to discover. The infant is primed to do so and the first few hours, days, months and years provide a multitude of opportunity to go forth, investigate and make sense of the world.
The neuronal connection, the development and refining of cognition and sensory processing during this time is immense. The brain and senses are working overtime to further enhance the base that has already been laid and the supportive framework required to constantly build on this and make adaptations.
Every parent I have met wants their child to have the best of beginnings, to have positive experiences, build happy memories and have opportunities to learn. But where to begin? How do we optimise these opportunities to ensure each infant has cause to reach their full potential? To become a person who not only knows how to express emotion and enjoy interactions with other living beings, but is happy and comfortable with their presence in the world.
When I work with new mums and dads with regard to educating for a positive, protective parent-infant relationship, I always begin at the basics - consider the five senses. Yes, sight, sound, touch, smell and taste have always seemed to me to be a logical place to start and to sleep deprived, overwhelmed parents is a theory easy to understand and apply in those early few weeks.
If we begin with the sight of the mother or father’s face. Babies are drawn to faces and soon become familiar with those of his/her parents. Watching a newborn intently studying the face of his mother or father in those few first hours is priceless. The serious expression on the infant’s face as he squints to focus on the face of his/her father and the efforts to copy a tongue poke or raising of eyebrows remains to me one of life’s mysteries. Imagine the connections within the nervous system that are occurring during this time!
Another source of familiarity and comfort for the newborn is that of the sound of his mother’s and/or father’s voice. This sound, albeit somewhat muffled by ears full of amniotic fluid, is a sound that the infant has found a comfort in familiarity for many months prior to birth. Parents should be aware of the power of the simple use of their voice as a source of security for their baby. Singing, humming and talking in a calming, gentle voice can be so effective in settling a distressed infant and providing a positive connection experience.
Another sense which can provide a security of connection is touch. Soothing strokes, skin to skin contact, cuddling and massage are a wonderful place to begin. This is an area that has been well researched, as infant’s cortisol and adrenalin levels have been measured before and during positive human touch interaction. The calming influence this has on infants who have become accustomed to touch as a soothing interaction, are able to utilise it readily as a method of regulation.
The ability of the parent and infant to imprint the smell of each other should not be surprising to us. We witness this in the animal kingdom time and time again as the mother sheep or duck rejects the baby that is not theirs by sniffing and tossing aside. We are smelling the scent of our babes and they ours constantly. An infant and mother will find comfort in each other’s smell as the connection grows.
Last, but certainly not least, is taste. When I talk to parents about the sense of security a baby experiences as they taste their mother, they often look at me quite strangely, perhaps wondering when and how I believe that their formula fed baby is tasting them. As we become more alert to the activities of infants and observe their habits we notice that babies taste their parents with wide-open mouth kisses and suck on their fingers daily. Likewise, parents blow raspberries on their tummies and suck tiny little fingers and toes regularly, often without a thought.
And so the use of the five senses and the process of imprinting is explained. It’s simplicity sits as somewhat of a contrast to the sometimes over-processed, task- orientated world of parenting, where information is abundant, advice is plentiful and conflicting, and the race to be the best parent, with the baby who eats well, sleeps through the night and walks first reigns supreme.
The latter is discussed in new parenting groups, but what of the baby’s sense of belonging to something or someone? What of their sense of connection and feelings of being safe? Or ability to adapt to the inevitable changes they will or may have already experienced in their lives? Are they showing signs that they feel connected to someone? Is the parent-infant relationship solid?
You are already one of the most intriguing things in your baby’s world. Make use of this bond, whatever form it takes. Practice the concept of imprinting by allowing your baby to experience the gentle, calm use of the five senses and watch that bond grow. Your relationship with your baby will strengthen and the sense of security this brings to you both will surely optimise the mental health of tomorrow’s child.
For more information, contact Louise Shalders.
Copyright Louise Shalders.
