“Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears" - Kate Winslet
This is a common question I get asked by clients …
Here’s my answer:
Most of the time, the problem isn’t the solutions causing you the anger, but the self-worth attachment you have to NEEDING the solutions to work.
We live in an instant gratification world where everything is at our fingertips and so often I see parents get attached to the outcome of implementing solutions – expecting immediate results. There’s no flexibility in between the now and the outcome.
Toddlers and preschoolers are still in the early stages of learning to communicate verbally. Add to that the fact that they have little-to-no impulse control and very immature social skills, and you’ve got a recipe for an instinctive physical response (i.e. hitting, kicking, biting, hair pulling, throwing things, etc.) to situations when they are frustrated, angry, excited, scared, or just tired and out-of-sorts.
As most of us have taken smacking and other forms of corporal punishment out of the parenting tool box, time outs have become the go-to for parents struggling to manage unwanted behaviours.
Psychologist Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, author of parenting book, ‘Discipline without Damage’, argues the science of child neuro-development tells us interventions should “reinforce connection, not separation” between a child and a parent.
Preliminary Checklist
As most of us have taken smacking and other forms of corporal punishment out of the parenting tool box, time outs have become the go-to for parents struggling to manage unwanted behaviours.
Psychologist Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, author of parenting book, ‘Discipline without Damage’, argues the science of child neuro-development tells us interventions should “reinforce connection, not separation” between a child and a parent.
A concerned father asks: As I reflect on my childhood and growing up, I wonder if we are creating parents who are too soft? What I mean by this is when I was younger and I did something wrong I would get a whack across the bottom with a wooden spoon – granted, this was a last resort and there were warnings before this, however I know that I learnt my lesson and wouldn’t be repeating that behaviour anytime soon.
