Being able to wee and poo on the potty is a complex process that can’t be rushed – your child needs to be able to recognise when a wee or poo is coming, to hold on long enough to get to the toilet, to remember where the potty is, and to pull down her pants in time to wee without making a puddle. She will also need to be able to understand simple instructions or she won’t know what is expected of her or how to tell you she wants to go to the toilet.
There are several steps to developing bladder and bowel control:
- Your child will become aware of having a wet or dirty nappy. This will happen sooner if your toddler is in cloth nappies or the disposable made especially for toddlers that lets her feel wet before the moisture is drawn into the nappy.
- She will realise when she is doing a wee or poo – this usually won’t happen before about twenty months at the earliest but can take up to two and a half years or even later for some children. You can help your tot learn the words to tell you that she is doing wees and poos (if you haven’t already) as you change her nappy.
- She can tell you before he needs to go. On average, toddlers reach this stage between two and three years.
- She can control her urges to go so that she is able to ‘hold on’ until she gets to the toilet.
- As well as being physically ready to control their bladder and bowels, your child needs to be emotionally ready for toilet learning: regressive stages are normal for toddlers as they work out their place in an ever-changing world and how much they can control it (or not). This can make some little ones want to cling to the security of things they feel comfortable with, and that can include nappies.
If you feel worried that your child is lagging behind, please be reassured that this isn’t a reflection of your child’s intelligence or a sign that he is lazy or dirty, any more than it is due to neglect on your part. Toilet readiness is linked to nervous system development and how your child receives and interprets her body’s messages.
While most children show signs that they are ready for toilet learning by the age of three, at least 15 per cent aren’t ready by that age and a small number haven’t mastered the process by the age of four years.
Is she ready yet?
Your child is generally physically and emotionally ready for toilet learning when:
- She asserts her independence in other areas by telling you, ‘Me do it!’ and ‘All by myself!’
- She can pull her pants up and down.
- She can sit on a potty without help.
- She knows what ‘wee’ and ‘poo’ are and can tell you.
- She is curious about what you are doing in the toilet (yes, you need to talk about wees and poos, too!)
- Her nappy is dry for longer periods (at least two hours), showing that she has a good bladder capacity and is developing control.
- She can follow simple instructions – so she can understand what you want her to do.
- He is aware of ‘weeing’ and ‘pooing’. Some little ones get a faraway look as they stop what they are doing to fill their pants; others may wander off into a corner to poo – as though they need a little privacy to concentrate.
- She may tell you that her nappy is dirty or wet after she has finished and wants it changed.
- Then (the final step in readiness), when she is aware that she is about to wee or poo before it happens, you can explain to her that she can use the potty instead of a nappy.
Even if your toddler is showing signs that she is ready to be encouraged out of nappies, please be mindful that if she is out of sorts or is experiencing a major upheaval, it is best for you as well as your child to wait a little longer.
Teaching your toddler to use the potty:
If you have waited until your child is ready, teaching her to use the potty is really quite simple, in theory at least.
There will be setbacks along the way (so take wipes and clean clothes when you go out with your toddler as she is learning), but if you take the approach that potty learning is a bit like any other stage of development, you will get things into a better perspective when you have a puddle (or worse). After all, when she learnt to walk, you didn’t expect your child to do this without an occasional trip or fall. And you didn’t scold her if she fell over, did you?
Your toddler isn’t being ‘naughty’ if she wets her pants after managing a few dry days or even a few dry weeks. So please relax and try to see toilet learning in a similar light. Remember, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
Toddler tactics to encourage fuss-free toileting:
- When your toddler is able to tell you she is wetting or soiling her nappy, suggest, ‘You can wee or poo on the potty or toilet (if you have a child seat), like Mummy and Daddy.’ You might even like to take her to help you choose a potty. Be sure to leave the potty where she has easy access to it and you can keep an eye on her – perhaps in the bathroom with the door open or in the playroom. And dress your toddler in clothes that are easy to remove.
- Buy your child some fabulous undies – show them to her and tell her that when she can wee in the toilet she will be really big, then she can wear knickers just like Mummy or her big siblings (and whoever else seems impressive to her, but please don’t shame her by comparing her to her peers). Then, put the undies in the cupboard (there is no pressure) until she decides she wants to try going to the toilet.
- Some parents find it helps to show their child what to do by using a weeing doll or favourite toy to demonstrate; others simply let their child follow them around – they will anyway, so you may as well make the most of this and tell them what you are doing on the toilet.
- If you’re child is to use the toilet, ensure they have a cushioned toilet seat insert, the toilet door open with light on, a high step with a wide platform that is high enough for child to sit flat-footed whilst on the toilet, and perhaps some books to read whilst they are in there.
- You may be happy to clear your diary and stay close to home as you make a concerted, consistent effort at encouraging toilet skills for a few days or longer, or the very thought of being stuck at home could send you potty yourself. If staying home and totally focusing isn’t your style, you have to keep to a schedule for older children, or you work all week outside the home, you can take a slightly slower approach by having the potty around (even perhaps taking it out with you) and waiting for your child to lead the way.
- If your child is in childcare, discuss what you are doing regarding toilet learning with her carers. They may even have a few good practical tips for you. After all, they will have been through this with lots of other children
Copyright Louise Shalders