As lovely as the thought of another Summer holiday season sounds, the inevitability of spending time with family members who you see rarely - sometimes by choice, sometimes through circumstance - can leave you feeling some trepidation.

It may be about having to just about pack the house for a single night away with the children, how the children will manage the long trip in the car, how the children might behave and sleep away from home, or the topics of conversation that inevitably arise when the extended family get together…

“Haven’t the children grown”, “Aren’t they playing together nicely”, “What lovely manners”, “She has the sweetest smile”, may well deteriorate into “Is the baby sleeping through the night for you yet?”, “So she’s still in nappies?”, “At his age my son was saying three word sentences and could write his own name”, “Hmmmm…..he hasn’t eaten much off his plate has he…he’s a bit picky”, “ It’s a good idea to start teaching her to share at this age”…. and so it begins.

What might have started as a family Christmas dinner with a light exchange of pleasantries, feels as though it has potential to become an opportunity for comment regarding the apparent shortcomings of your parenting approach and subsequently your child(ren)’s obvious delays in development… uh oh.

You politely attempt to change the subject to your cousin’s new car or your uncle’s recent trip to Africa, but your persistent sister-in-law and your mother’s best friend are relentless in their pursuit of all things baby, toddler and preschooler… namely, your children, who by this time are beginning to become restless at the table. One is trying to push his fork into the wooden table top and your preschooler is picking her nose with absolute conviction and is not deterred by your face pulling across the table and silent pleading to stop.

It’s then that you hear that all too familiar sound of your 10-week old’s shrill cry from the bedroom and excuse yourself to attend to her quickly before your mother-in-law has a chance. You welcome the opportunity to escape what is becoming an uncomfortable space and retreat to the privacy of the bedroom where your baby has woken after only a short time, thankful for the excuse.

Your hushing and rocking does not bring peace and her unsettling, persistent cry continues. You are left with no option but to feed her again to give everyone a break from the cry. By this stage your toddler, preschooler, your mother and sister-in-law have joined you. Your private sanctuary must be shared, it seems, and you feed the baby. She fusses, your sister-in-law offers some thought….”perhaps your breast milk supply is running a little low. How is her weight gain? I had to drink plenty of water, take fenugreek tablets and express three times a day to keep mine up.”

You quietly comment that your milk supply seems fine, thanks. Your mother knowingly states "no, it’s definitely colic. Here, give her to me.” You are silent at this moment for fear you might explode. You are quite sure you are not handing over your baby… you just want to be here alone with her and be allowed some space to work things out together as you always do…

When a baby arrives, parents are often inundated with well intentioned advice, whether asked for or not. Some of his advice can be well-timed, useful and even welcomed. But, often you would rather just work it out together and ask questions of a chosen few, as needed. Often a few polite statements, such as “thank you for your help, but I think we’re doing ok” or “ That sounds great, but I think it’s sorted” or “ We’ll work it out eventually, I’m sure.”

So, keep the friends, keep the family, ensure you have plenty of time with just your immediately family, so that you, your partner and your child(ren) have lots of opportunity to relax together and get to know this new little person. Her temperament, personality type, what works and what doesn’t work, when she sleeps and what she does when she gets hungry.

Sure, this takes months but isn’t that what it all about? Savouring the moments, learning about one and other, and having time to learn what type of parenting approach you would like to use is your privilege as the parent of your very own family, so take your time.

Childhood is a developmental process. Parenting is a developmental process. We grow. We learn…together.