No.1: Be Alert to Your Baby’s Cues
Everyone has an opinion over how and when you should put your baby to sleep, and what you should do if he cries. These range from a caring approach to being downright cold. They may even encourage you to develop and respond only to a pre-conceived schedule. What particularly concerns me regarding this approach is that you are not recognising and responding to your baby’s needs with some flexibility- what message does this send to your baby regarding your relationship with him?
One thing that should always be considered is your baby’s cues. Your baby may not be much of a chatterbox, but he is trying to tell you things. He is using facial expressions, movements and even noises to try and tell you when he’s ready for bed. Missing these cues could leave you with an overtired baby, so it’s worth looking out for and responding to these cues early. Look out for yawning, becoming quiet, losing interest in people and toys, a knotted brow, frowning, reddened skin around eyebrows and rubbing his eyes. If you notice any of these cues, your baby might be trying to tell you he’s ready for a sleep.
No.2: Are You Listening to Out-dated Advice?
No offense to your mother-in-law or that elderly woman you met at the shopping centre the other day, but times have changed. It is no longer acceptable to dip your baby’s dummy in brandy in the hope of getting a decent night’s sleep, thank goodness! We now know that controlled crying doesn’t teach babies to self soothe, and instead simply teaches them that no-one will respond to their cries. One study found that the babies still had high levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) for 2 hours after controlled crying, even though they had stopped crying. For this reason, many modern parents are choosing not to follow controlled crying, much to the disbelief of their grandparents.
Though previous generations may have believed babies could be ‘spoilt’ for attention, we now know this is not the case. Responding immediately to your baby’s cries doesn’t spoil your baby, instead it encourages him to trust his communication skills and teaches him how to manage his emotions.
No.3: Let’s Not Compare Our Babies to Other Babies
This is almost impossible to do… especially when you’re sitting beside a fresh-faced mother of three who is telling you about how her newborn baby slept through the night again last night. But you should avoid comparing your baby to other babies or you’ll drive yourself mad. All babies are different, and you have enough to worry about without also obsessing over the fact that your baby hasn’t rolled over in the same month as other babies.
Another problem with baby comparisons is that you are basing the comparison on information from the mothers, and not scientifically collected, unbiased, factual information.
Of course mothers are going to gloatingly talk up their babies! That’s new motherhood. In fact, sleeping through for a baby is a grand average of five hours. So while most babies will be somewhere around this average, there will be some babies who sleep more or less than this, because that’s what happens to calculate an average figure.
No.4: Do You Have Unreasonable Expectations?
One of the major problems when it comes to infant sleep is that parents simply don’t know what is normal and the plethora of infant sleep advice out there often just serves to add to the confusion!
If you have a baby who doesn’t sleep for very long, you can quite easily end up terrified that you will never ever sleep again. When in reality, your baby’s sleeping behaviour may be age-appropriate. Yet, unrealistic expectations can put you on a freeway to low self esteem, anxiety, depression and more.
It may help you to know the following: At one week old, your baby will spend around 16 hours asleep during a 24-hour period. Only eight of these will be at night and they won’t be consecutive. Young babies go through growth spurts and will rely on frequent feeds (also known as ‘cluster feeding’). The more they feed, the more this signals your breasts to make more milk to satisfy hunger.
Cluster feeds are a normal part of your baby’s development. Many new mothers panic about milk supply at this point and some may end up using formula. Make sure you speak to an IBCLC (International Board Lactation Consultant) or breastfeeding association for support and advice before you panic or accidentally wean your baby.
At one month old, your baby still has a tiny tummy, and will still need to wake to feed at least every four or five hours during the night. Some mothers believe formula or other additives in a bottle will make their baby sleep longer –there is no science behind this belief. Sleeping through the night is defined as five consecutive hours. Almost half of all babies still wake during the night by three months of age. It is normal for babies to continue waking in the night at six months. By their first birthday, most children sleep through the night (remember, this does not mean for 12 hours long), but not all.
No.5: Are You Trusting Your Instincts?
There are plenty of baby experts out there with conflicting advice on how to help your baby sleep through the night, but the only person who really understands your baby is you. You are the expert when it comes to your baby. You are the one who feeds him, changes his nappies and soothes him when he cries. Start listening to your gut and trust your instincts. You know what you’re doing, you have this covered, all you need to do is trust that and you’ll see.
Copyright Louise Shalders
