Step 1.
The most important part of this whole process is to help your baby to down-regulate (calm down) prior to commencing active settling. This is something that is often missed during sleep training programs and I believe it is an essential element for the success of the process.
You might do this by having a cuddle and sharing a story; or singing a quiet, soothing bedtime song; or sharing a few minutes with your baby looking out the window staring at the wind moving the tree branches and leaves.
Step 2.
When you start the settling process, put your baby down, tuck him in tightly sides and bottom of cot with a non-stretch sheet or cotton cellular blanket big enough to tuck under the mattress, give him his comforter (and dummy, if he has one) and leave. Allow 2-5 minutes (depending on intensity) of protest cry, then wait to hear what happens next. i.e. if they are chattering to themselves, grizzling, making a rhythmic sing-song cry or laying quietly- leave them to it!
Step 3.
If their cry is beginning to escalate, leave them a couple more minutes to declare themselves then slowly return to the bedroom, 'Ssshhh-ing' as you go from the beginning of the hall, open the bedroom door and sit down on the floor beside the cot. Place your hands firmly on those busy legs to help keep them still until they relax their kick, and stroke your baby’s face or cheek with the other hand, only if they appear to enjoy it. If this is too annoying for them, place your hand on the mattress beside their face or on their chest. Make sure they have their comforter around the area of their face, i.e. over eyes or beside their cheek.
Step 4.
Continue Ssshhh-ing, keeping it to the volume your baby is at. (i.e. if they quieten, you quieten or if they get louder, you get louder – remember to keep the sound long and slow and stop occasionally).
Step 5.
Stay sitting on the floor until your baby settles (this may be a few seconds, or up to 30mins duration, so make sure you are comfortable! - a few cushions to sit or lean on work well).
Step 6.
If after 20 minutes, they remain awake, we must consider that your presence may, in fact, be keeping them awake whilst your baby is using all their energies in an attempt to engage you. It’s time to now leave the room to test this out. If they cry, remember to allow the 2-5 minute protest cry to happen first and then repeat the process, only if needed (see step 2).
Step 7.
Remember at anytime during this process, you begin to feel too anxious to continue or your baby remains in an escalated cry for more than 5-10 minutes (pick a number in between these two, depending on how you are feeling!), then you must pick your baby up for a cuddle.
Try not to leave the dimly-lit bedroom when you do this, but instead pace the floor gently with your baby in your arms making soothing sounds or, if your legs/back are tiring, rock them slowly from side to side whilst you sit on a gym ball.
When quietened and relaxed, place them back in the cot and leave. They may well have a 2-5 minute protest cry, then after this you repeat the settling process, if and when it is needed.
NB> **Once your baby is asleep, don’t forget to always go back in and place the comforter away from is face after approximately 5 minutes. ie. allow him to leave the REM (light) sleep phase first**
If your baby isn’t asleep within approximately 1 hour of beginning this process, then it is time to get them up and out to the living area for a cuddle, a drink and some floor play. Although you may be feeling a little despondent at this stage, feeling like your efforts failed, remember that, for your baby, learning something new is all about experiencing it ‘over and over’, so don’t under-estimate what a great opportunity that episode was for practice. It doesn’t always have to end in sleep… but it would be nice ☺
Copyright Louise Shalders
