My interest in the intricacies of the parent-infant relationship was sparked as an eighteen year old student nurse at the Royal Children’s Hospital, Melbourne. I was fascinated by the apparent variations of the display (or lack there of!) in connection or bond between the mother or father and the unwell child.
What was the essence of a particular parenting style and what meaning did this have to the child? Particularly in those circumstances when the child was often so sick and attachment behaviours are on ‘high alert’ in the atmosphere of a busy hospital ward.
As my career moved in the inevitable direction of caring for families, pregnancy and infants, more and more I found myself the interested observer of this complex repertoire between parent and infant. It became apparent to me that the attachment relationship was a co-created existence and that it held the key to many childhood developmental concerns, child and adult mental health issues, the sense of parenting mastery, or otherwise experienced in the early years of the relationship and the infant’s particular view of the world.
A midwifery degree, amongst other things, allowed me to further extend my observation of these activities in a delivery suite and the immediate postnatal period. The interaction between expectant parents and the display of behaviour during the heightened period of labour as they are referring to the infant in utero, then as they meet this little person for the very first time. A brand new life created by them, birthed by them and welcomed to the earth by them is magical. I believe these early hours immediately during and following birth have the ability to optimise the strength of the attachment relationship and help determine this infant’s place in the immediate tri-fold of this familial cluster.
Those first few days of life seem full of ‘getting the feeding right’, ‘learning to change the nappy, ‘learning to bath the baby’, ‘learning to settle the baby’, ‘watching what comes out the other end’, seeking advice and then, conversely, getting advice whether you ask for it or not… and so the train of conflicting information takes off at a speed of knots, add a hefty dose of ‘Google’ and we have a recipe for complete and utter parental confusion.
So, all this seems fine to watch for during pregnancy and in the first couple of weeks after birth, but what then happens to this parent-infant relationship as it evolves over the first few months and years of the child’s life? Studying Maternal and Child Health Nursing to take the huge plunge of leaving the hospital scene to a more community-based approach, thereby having the opportunity to assist hundreds of young families to score some parenting goals, often against all odds, would be needed for me to answer this. So, back to university to do just that and what an eye-opener that was! So much to know and understand, further practical skills to learn in the context of research that is being constantly updated and an opportunity to refine an ability to transpose that research to practical terms for a purposeful use for families.
Along with this career opportunity, came opportunity to spend countless hours each day observing, assessing and interpreting, advising and following up mothers, fathers and their infants and children. As their newborn grew, further developmental maturity enabled additional and varied interaction between parent and child and by this stage I was completely hooked on the idea of the parent-infant exchange, the variables that interfered with or enabled a positive exchange, the impact of this repertoire on the mother or father and the impact on the infant or child.
Enter a sibling or two and the framework for connection from each of the individual players alters over and over again. Attachment relationships are, and should be, a dynamic that in the first few years of life, have an ability to alter patterning. My empirical knowledge in this area of great interest was building and, with my fairly sound understanding of the physicality of the child and infant, I began to wonder of the impact of this exchange on the mental health of not only the infant, but the parent also.
My family were heard to say around about now, ‘Watch out, there’s more study on it’s way’… and they were right! A degree in perinatal and infant mental health was not only calling me, but grabbing me by the throat to complete! This course was thick with both ancient and modern theorists, citations, dense theories and research to consume and draw understanding from. Frankly, some days I was just happy to understand the title of an article, let alone the content!
But I did find this course fascinating and so very useful in my quest to understand the infant- child interplay, make sense of my observations, condense this to a theory that I could then go forth with and, this is the challenging bit, give parents practical strategies to assist in their particular set of circumstances. This last step was of the utmost importance to me. Parent’s out there are hurting and the last thing they need or want is a bunch of theories that don’t fit their everyday life, are not achievable to them or, worst of all, become another addition to their self-administered ‘ Log of My Parenting Fails’. The suggestions for change made and strategies taught need to be sensible, sustainable and achievable… just a small ask really!
Over the next four years I spoke to hundreds of parents, read and read, trialled a number of different methods and approaches to the many challenges parents presented to me. I learnt so much from generous families who, having been through challenges of their own, wanted to help other families in similar circumstances. Or better still, help those families avoid reaching the point of desperation they had experienced.
I continually researched many areas of reported parenting need. ie. toddler behaviour and management; infant sleep and settling; infant mental health; maternal and paternal mental health; the intricacies of parent- infant attachment relationships; breastfeeding realities; formula feeding challenges; nutritional recommendations in early childhood, with particular consideration to the commencement of solid foods; infant’s sensitivities to nutritional components; toddler and preschool sleep; age appropriate routines; gentle, effective approaches to sleep intervention… and so it continues.
My career has seen many exciting twists and turns. I have always been guided by the perceived current needs of young families and these remain my areas of greatest interest today. The families I am fortunate enough to work with continue to share so generously and ensure that my studies remain current and relevant. That is their greatest gift to me.
Copyright Louise Shalders.
