The first forty days following the birth of your baby is an amazing time of emotional intensity and massive adjustment. In other times, in other places around the world this period was reserved for a postpartum period of healing and adjustment.
After the rigorous and demanding act of birth, it was considered critically necessary for the whole family – and for society at large – that a woman be given the first 40 days to heal and rest. Other people in her community would feed her, nurture her, and take all responsibilities off her plate, so that she could focus on one thing only – transitioning healthily and happily from expectant woman to mother.
For the first 40 days the new mother stayed secluded from the busy stream of life, tucked indoors with her infant by her side. She received special home cooked meals designed to rebuild her energy, replenish lost nutrients, and help her body produce breast milk.
The understanding was that the new mother was as vulnerable as the new infant. A dedicated period of postpartum recovery could help to keep future illness – and equally important anxiety and depression, at bay.
Today in the West, we are waking up to the importance of cocooning the baby in the weeks following the birth. The understanding that the infant is not quite ready to meet the world, and is still at an early stage of development. This has come to be known as the ‘fourth trimester’, encouraging parents to hold their baby close and keep sheltered for some weeks following the birth to allow them to emerge gradually into life outside their mother’s uterus.
Somehow we have forgotten the time-honoured wisdom that this cocooning should extend to the mother as well. In those forty days, which roughly correlates with the 6-week phase that Western medicine calls the postpartum period, the old ways teach that an amazing opportunity presents itself to a woman. During this time she can revitalise herself and replenish her reserves, creating a solid foundation from which to tackle the demands of mothering. Furthermore, they teach that with the right postpartum care, a mother can preserve her reproductive health for future children or eventually experience an easy menopause, aging gracefully over the decades to come.
Perhaps because our society doesn’t allow time for such ‘indulgence’ or perhaps because bumper magazine sales are more likely headlined with pregnancy and birth stories, rather than the story of a celebrity’s postpartum lay-in, we’ve overlooked this important last part of the child-bearing story. Rather than be invited to take a sacred time-out after delivering her child, the new mother is more likely to be met with pressure to ‘bounce back’ – back to her pre-pregnancy productivity, back to her pre-pregnancy body and back to her pre-pregnancy good spirits.
But when it comes to birthing a child, there is no going back, just through. After becoming a mother every woman must pass through an initial period of adjustment. It is a strange and beautiful zone of being in limbo, that is both exhausting and exciting, mysterious and monotonous.
I say let's re-instate this time of rest and replenishment for the mother. Just as you prepare for the physical presence of your baby prior to arrival, by buying a cot, car seat, pram and perhaps decking out a nursery, make some preparations for your own nurturing also. Make arrangement for a supportive close friend, sister or your mother to stay a few days and care for the house, washing, meals and older child(ren).
If this is not available to you, perhaps your partner could arrange a two or three weeks off work once you are home, to attend to these things. Over the weeks leading up to the birth you might freeze up some meals or, at least, if your partner doesn’t cook, do washing or clean, you could use this time to teach them the finer points of both to be utilised from then on. It’s amazing how talented the novice can become in these areas in the busy postpartum period, when you are unavailable to do them and are generally looking exhausted.
Lastly, try not to overcommit yourself to outings, having visitors, too many appointments or cake bake-offs during this time. Online supermarket ordering and delivery can be a wonderful way of keeping the fridge stocked with little effort. A walk in the sunshine (or, frankly, the wind and rain works also!) each day is rejuvenating for the soul, so factor a time each day for this to occur.
Try not to pack too much into your day, but rather take the time to recover from the birth, rest and feed yourself well with nourishing foods. Adjusting to your new role, caring for and optimising your relationship with this freshly formed little human being, is task enough in the first forty days.
Copyright Louise Shalders
