“Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears" - Kate Winslet
One of the most common concerns I hear from new parents is that their baby will only sleep on them. On their chest, nursing or in a sling, they are happy but the moment they are gently placed down in their basket, they awaken crying and desperate to be picked up again. This is such a source of worry for a parent who loves their baby and wants to do things “right".
No parent wants to imagine that their baby would be born any other way than healthy. Yet a percentage of infants born each year have some type of anomaly. A birth defect can be defined as a problem in the structures or function of the body such as when the eyes are two different sizes or when the heart is not pumping blood efficiently.
Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Relationships break, careers fold, accidents happen, our hard work ends in bankruptcy or redundancy, our great kids make bad decisions - and sometimes this has nothing at all to do with us.
It's always important to look at what we can learn, and how we can grow through the mess, but it doesn't mean we caused it or deserved it, or that we could have done anything to avoid it. What's needed is a gentle surrender - not in the way of giving up, we always have to fight for us - but in the way of surrendering the need to rewind or understand or hang on to what should have been.
Some people report that they cannot relax, that relaxation is not working for them, or that they cannot bring themselves to practice relaxation. Since all human beings share a similar biological make-up, there is usually no physical reason why relaxation should work for some people and not others.
The reason that relaxation may not work for some people is usually some psychological factor or lack of practice. If you have difficulty relaxing it may be beneficial to explore the reasons for this difficulty.
Mental health disorders can make it extremely difficult for new and expectant mothers to get through the day, let alone manage during pregnancy, respond to the needs of their infant or attend to other children.
Research outcomes from Beyondblue have revealed that many depressed mothers describe feeling no joy. Instead, they feel like they are down a black hole, numb, detached, alone and/or unable to cope or interact with their baby or their life. The sense of hopelessness can often feel overwhelming.
"All I wanted to do was to just crawl into bed and stay there, on my own, and everyone to go away - including my baby and my mum."