Now that your little person is on the move and transferring from sitting to standing, perhaps walking and even running proficiently, days are busy with constant supervision needed. You will often be keeping them out the way of unsafe situations, using the word ‘no’ regularly and beginning to venture into the hallmarks of your style of gentle discipline and boundary setting.
Your baby will begin to rely on your boundary enforcement. Although when they are first introduced to a new boundary, this might look more like a response of protest or frustration, try to remain firm but friendly in your approach and provide support as they learn to navigate your expectation. Your baby will soon find comfort in the familiarity of your mostly consistent response to their particular behaviour you don’t want to affirm.
Settling and sleep are, of course, another behaviour you will need to endorse appropriately for the optimal health of your baby.
You will need to lead the way, in this regard, as your baby doesn’t know that sleep promotes a healthy constitution, and supports learning and development. It also helps emotions to be filtered effectively when needed and good decision-making to take place.
The approach to sleep with a busy, active toddler in this age range is somewhat different to a much younger child, of course, This age need to play to sleep, so will need to be placed in the cot early enough to engage in lone play and not become frustrated by being overtired from the outset.
Provide 2-3 soft, noiseless toys/comforters to ‘fiddle with’ or ‘chat to’ or ‘throw out of the cot’, and also a light top blanket to pull up over their onesie or sleeping bag (a natural fibre such as cotton, bamboo or wool works best), as part of the going to bed ritual. The natural fibre will be appropriate for them to sleep on top of, should they choose – which is highly likely. A pillow in the cot is not recommended until they are 2 years of age.
If you are finding that your little person is losing their dummy and waking in the night, now is a good time to get rid of it. Commence this process by only using the dummy for sleep - not during wake time, so speech can develop freely and teeth have a rest from the pressure of the teat. This will give your toddler a chance to get used to having an empty mouth by day, then after a week or so remove the dummy altogether and provide a comforter or toy as a replacement. You may have a couple of settling or resettling times with protest, but it is so worth it for healthy sleep to be facilitated in the longer term.
How much sleep does my baby need?
A child of this age needs 13 or so hours of sleep every 24 hours, usually 11-12 hours overnight and 1-3 hours during day naps. A 12-month old will still need 2 naps to achieve this, gradually managing to consolidate to 1 nap each day by 16 -18 months of age.
What is an age appropriate routine for a 6- 12 month old?
- Expect your toddler to wake 6-7 am. If they are sleeping later than this, then they are likely tired and sleep needs tweaking bit.
- A large 2-course breakfast and water to drink is ideal soon after waking.
- Engage in play whilst you finish getting your day organised for an hour or so.
- 8.30-9am is a lovely time for a morning nap after a sleepy-time song, dependant on morning wake time.
- Once awake, after a drink and morning snack, a walk to the park in the sunshine (or cold/light rain with your coats, beanies and gumboots on works well too!)
- 11.30-12pm a nice big healthy 2 course lunch and drink of water, then afternoon nap time straight afterwards, following a sleepy-time song, around 12.30pm.
- 3pm drink and afternoon snack.
- 5pm drink water and healthy 2 course dinner, bath/shower, sleepy-time song
- 6.30pm Bedtime!!
Wow! … what a BIG, busy day – zzzzzzz
Please not that as your little person is nearing the 16-18 month mark, they may very gradually only need 1 nap some days and 2 naps others, to having only 1 x 2-3 hour nap per day around 18 months of age. This nap works best after an early lunch, with naptime approximately 12-12.30pm.
What can I do to help my baby to learn the skill of self-settling sometimes?
- This is a lovely age to allow your baby a little ‘head space’ to play alone, whilst you are nearby but not necessarily playing with him on occasion. This gentle approach to teaching your baby to separate at times, is often a nice way of seeing your baby ‘in full view’. Admire him from a small distance, as he plays on the floor mat or on his uncle’s lap. Often the full view of your baby is difficult when they are attached to you always. Take this opportunity to watch your baby interact with others, whilst you look on. Separating in this way whilst awake will assist in the early steps of your baby feeling secure enough to separate for sleep.
- Prepare your baby for sleep prior to moving to the cot. You or I wouldn’t expect ourselves to settle to sleep directly after running about the house doing housework. Most of us read a book or watch some television whilst relaxing on the couch, prior to going to bed. Likewise, your baby should not be expected to be picked up after play, or the excitement of a story book, and then drift straight to sleep. Consider the warmth of a bath, a quietened house without television or too much activity, a breast or bottle feed, a short cuddle and quietly humming or singing a sleepy-time song in a dimly lit bedroom, followed by gently placing your baby in the cot. This is a lovely way of providing your baby with the environment to learn the skill of down regulation.
- Our bodies secrete our natural hormone of sleep, known as melatonin, when we are in dim light, so make sure your baby is exposed to a slightly darkened space for approximately 10 minutes prior to going to bed. Ideally, this should occur during a feed and whilst you share your sleepy-time song prior to being put in the cot at naps or bedtime.
- Remember you are your baby’s biggest distractor. For survival of the species, it is important that he seeks you out and is often on ‘high alert’ for your presence… mostly for feeding and protection. But it also means that if you are in the room, he might spend much of his energies trying to engage you. This poses some problem when sleep is needed. For this reason, try to allow your baby to have some time alone in his cot, provide a small soft toy (I often use a small skinny bunny) and perhaps a comforter. Rather than lay there and get bored and therefore cry, he will have something to occupy him. Your baby often needs to play to sleep at this age. To do this, he needs to go to the cot reasonably rested, rather than overtired and restless, so put him to bed early always, as described above, rather than waiting until he is overtired.
- Don’t sit in your baby’s room for long periods whilst he is trying to settle. If, after you place him in the cot, he is playing, talking, or having a rhythmic grizzle (known as verbal rocking), leave him to it. If you are needed, enter the room, don’t speak, don’t lay him down, just sit on the floor, place your hand between the bars, resting your hand on the mattress or holding his hand, and lay your head on your arm on a stool or the seat of a chair, facing your baby, with your eyes closed. Sit here no longer than 5 minutes or so and then slip away. I call this a ‘drive by’ – you may need to do 4-5 drive bys in the early days, before your baby begins to learn the rhythm of your approach. If, after an hour or so of trying, your baby is unable to fall asleep, get him up for a short period. Have a cuddle, go for a short walk, give him a top up feed, if appropriate, and start over.
When is it appropriate to use this approach to settling?
Drive bys are a lovely gentle approach to teaching your baby how to separate for sleep and learn some self-settling skills, with your close support.
Your baby will become familiar and find comfort in this rhythm, beginning to need you to ‘put them to sleep’ less over time.
This approach to settling a 12-18 month old may be useful for all nap times, day and night, and if resettling is needed. A sleep less than1 hour long, is simply a catnap, likely one sleep cycle only, and is not a satisfactory sleep.
Please remember that an overtired or unwell baby needs many, many cuddles and to remain close to you, so this approach may not be appropriate during these times.
Copyright Louise Shalders
