“Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears" - Kate Winslet
There are people who don’t mind hearing babies cry. They ignore a baby in distress, won’t pick the baby up ‘so as not to spoil him’, think nothing of leaving babies crying alone for hours in a dark room. I know these people exist because I read articles about them all time. But seriously, who are they? In my 26 years as a mother, 12 years as a parent educator and 3 years blogging, I’ve never encountered a parent like this.
Being deeply connected to our children is the key to emotional health, cooperation, influence, and peaceful homes, but staying connected in the hustle and bustle of daily life can be challenging. We have to be intentional about our relationships with them now if we want these relationships to flourish for years to come. Here are 10 ways to connect with your child.
“I try so hard to change, but every time I vow never to get angry again, I just end up giving up, falling back into the same habits, and then I give up, feeling like a complete failure. ”We get angry. We feel guilty. We apologise. We hate ourselves or beat ourselves up. We vow to be calm next time. We don’t… repeat. But it’s not like you haven’t tried, right? You really have. You have probably researched anger management suggestions – take a deep breath, walk away when angry, take more time out.
A concerned father asks: As I reflect on my childhood and growing up, I wonder if we are creating parents who are too soft? What I mean by this is when I was younger and I did something wrong I would get a whack across the bottom with a wooden spoon – granted, this was a last resort and there were warnings before this, however I know that I learnt my lesson and wouldn’t be repeating that behaviour anytime soon.
The average newborn sleeps much of the day and night, waking only for feedings every few hours. It is often hard for new parents to know how long and how often a newborn should sleep. Unfortunately, there is no set schedule at first and newborns mostly remain on a twenty-four hour clock — and when they are first home form hospital they often think they are supposed to be awake at night and sleep during the day.
Psychologists call them ‘externalising behaviours’ - acts of disruption, aggression, defiance, or anti-social intent. Almost every parent has to cope with them at some point, particularly during the toddler years. Young children are still developing the ability to regulate their emotions and impulses, and need to learn what is expected of them.
In more recent times I have been asked to write down or, at the very least teach, all that I have learnt regarding infants, their behaviours and responses, what works and doesn’t work with regards to settling, the common health compromises and developmental challenges of infants, effective treatments of same and those with less suitable outcomes… no small task!
Baby Sleep Myth #1: Comparing Your Baby to Other Babies. It is almost impossible not to… especially when you’re sitting beside a fresh-faced mother of three who is telling you about how her newborn baby slept through the night again last night. But you should avoid comparing your baby to other babies or you’ll drive yourself mad.
Toddlers and preschoolers are still in the early stages of learning to communicate verbally. Add to that the fact that they have little-to-no impulse control and very immature social skills, and you’ve got a recipe for an instinctive physical response (i.e. hitting, kicking, biting, hair pulling, throwing things, etc.) to situations when they are frustrated, angry, excited, scared, or just tired and out-of-sorts.
