“Having children just puts the whole world into perspective. Everything else just disappears" - Kate Winslet
Being deeply connected to our children is the key to emotional health, cooperation, influence, and peaceful homes, but staying connected in the hustle and bustle of daily life can be challenging. We have to be intentional about our relationships with them now if we want these relationships to flourish for years to come.
Sometimes I have the opportunity to work with men on issues of fatherhood including the themes of communication, commitment, identity, intimacy and trust. The men I work with often have difficulties in their personal lives relating to the people they love most. They yearn for their children to be happy and successful, yet they often lack the skills and ability to model a way to help them accomplish this.
A number of the parents I meet are frustrated (and possibly a little frightened) by their anxious responses to some of the day to day challenges of becoming a parent. They might find it difficult to respond with calmness to the sound of their waking baby, for fear of not knowing what they are going to do to re-settle their child. Or the parent may shout in response to their two-year-old child’s misbehaviour as they feel their frustration creep into anxious response.
One of the most common concerns I hear from new parents is that their baby will only sleep on them. On their chest, nursing or in a sling, they are happy but the moment they are gently placed down in their basket, they awaken crying and desperate to be picked up again. This is such a source of worry for a parent who loves their baby and wants to do things “right".
Over the years as I have worked with, advised, laughed with, worried with, walked the journey with thousands of parents, I have found one thing missing in many parent-child relationships. It is the one thing everyone needs and the one thing most live their entire lifetime without. That unpracticed aspect is a relationship based on unconditional love.
Being able to wee and poo on the potty is a complex process that can’t be rushed – your child needs to be able to recognise when a wee or poo is coming, to hold on long enough to get to the toilet, to remember where the potty is, and to pull down her pants in time to wee without making a puddle. She will also need to be able to understand simple instructions or she won’t know what is expected of her or how to tell you she wants to go to the toilet.
One of the most common requests I get from parents is, "I've tried everything and my child still won't listen. What can I do?" There are several factors involved in a child's willingness to cooperate. A child not doing what she is told is less about "not listening" and more about how able she feels to do what you want her to do.
Modelling speech to your child is one of the most important elements to remember. So, catch yourself talking to others, your child, yourself most of the day.
Reading, reading and more reading of picture books will capture his interest, allow him to hear the correct sounding of words and is a lovely opportunity to share the enjoyment of a story. Don’t forget to use plenty of exclamation in your voice, discuss the pictures and ask your child lots of questions about the story.
Limits, boundaries and consequences all work together with love and empathy to teach and help our kids perceive and interact with the world in positive ways. In this article I’ll address each concept of limits, boundaries and consequences and some practical ways to understand and utilise them in positive, peaceful ways.
